Scottish Stroll

A new plan for the Scotch. As a lot of them wanted independence, with no clear idea about how they would finance themselves, here's the plan. 

There are far too many wild mink in England, ever since the blasted animal was released in the 1920s. American descent, so what's new? Just like their damned crayfish killing all our tasty little variety of the species, and everything else that the mink does not want. British people introducing creatures that have no place in England. The Black Panther of Woodland ring any bells?

Crayfish and mink: overpaid, over-fed and over here.

Our riverbanks are now home to these imports, killing poor old Ratty the Water Vole. A lesson for the Allies in ISIS-land, eh? Introduce something that eats all their food - no need for bombs. Though I have yet to hear of an animal that wants to eat stewed lentils, the head and heart remain optimistic.

Anyway, Plan A: employ hundreds of wild immigrants to round up the mink and release them in Northern Scotland. A fast-breeding reactor-like economic miracle, allowing us to have no-one pontificating in the House of Commons, or the Lords, when they should be applying woad and training barley to grow - barely - in barren soil. 

Without England a Third World country; with mink a self-sufficient fur-trapping country. It works for Canada. And they can keep the immigrants to shear the minkies. If the water's not too cold they might introduce American crayfish and offer tourists un petit homard. As the tourists will doubtless be from the US, or executives looking for that fabled oil, I suspect the conversation will run:

Punter:                            Un homard? C'est un petit langoustine.

Immigrant waiter:            Ah! Oui, mais il un crustacean americaine. Prend plaisir.

Punter:                            Et le plat du jour?

Waiter:                            Savez-vous le vison? Il est vraiment bon.

Punter:                            Quoi?! Et le benefice pour moi?

Waiter:                           Le BOGOF. Manger ici tous les jours et bientôt! Un manteau de fourrure!

And the song is a bagpipe version of Mink DeVille. Mangez bien.

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