East of Debden

Nadim, you will be aware that financial and friendly familial censorship has kept me from you for too long. You may also be aware that our Arabic languague is most difficult to learn, but note that the Indian sub-continent and the continent of MacMillan's changing winds have both adopted our many words for friendship.

Nadim signifies drinking partner - appropriately with your correspondent in mind- but could easily be one of the market stall-holders in Eastenders. I could also mention sahib and the wise old monkey, Rafiki, from The Lion King, as both these have Arabic origin and also mean 'friend'. Sad to report that the Arabs I encountered were more open than the British upon whom I counted.

I have been East again, yet this time not so far. Far from Aden or Sir Anthony Eden, far even from Debden, I am delving in deepest Essex. My time in the land of woven intricacies has left me bereft of the riches of Sindbad. I had hoped to be starring in one of his life-changing voyages rather than cast as a bit-part player condemned to be carried off in the talons of a roc.

However, as the Spring nears bloom, I find myself in Blighty with time on my hands and someone in Cyprus owing me a lot of money. There is an equation somewhere containing the elements 'money' and 'parted' but I 've been beggared to remember the third.

Moving further east, there is a Pashtun saying that revenge is best served cold. The backbone of the fight against the Empire, the Soviets and now the Septics, the progenitors of the Taliban inspire me to take heart that it maybe a long struggle to win back my jewels, but possibly an intensive one. I have been watching Iron Man too often with the boys! Great Escapism!

Since the turn of the year my travels have relied mainly upon the bicycle, in a new-found custodial role at my sons' school. I am in charge of the Silver Keys that unlock the Palace of Wisdom each morning and afford access to the Park for Chariots of 4x4 and their golden-maned chauffeuses. I may also access the bountiful kitchens and resplendent store-cupboards of the said establishment. In return I am promised riches more of the spirit than of the wallet, but the joy of youth is ever thus. I should quickly add that I have had my CRB verified.

Oddly, the seat of learning appears not to be troubled by vermin, yet my lodgings have been infested by mus musculus since Jolly Old Saint Nick flew past. I'm sure that it must be me that attracts the pests, so I can only trust that the village primary school will stay relatively unscathed until I depart. The mice and I are having a high old time with glue traps - which they cannot resist treading in and I cannot help avoiding for displeasure at having to knock their silly heads off. I reckon I am just going to corral them in front of Iron Man and let the noise and Pashtuns scare them off to the next domain of the axis of evil.

The Northwest Frontiersman uses the word ashna for friend and defends him to the death. I shall be taking some of these wonderful people to Bahrain on my next trip - or maybe just the DVD.